Reconciliation or Retaliation

Reconciliation or Retaliation

by Glenda Taylor

Recently I had the privilege of seeing on television a special conference of Nobel Peace Prize winners. These individuals were gathered to hear a talk by Bishop TuTu of South Africa; the talk was followed by a round-table discussion.

Bishop TuTu is famous, of course, for his efforts in working toward about peace in South Africa. He discussed the events in South Africa in his talk, and what he said was compelling. But even if I hadnât understood a word of it, I would have been mesmerized by his incredible presence. Such a spirit radiates from him. His dancing eyes, his quick laugh, his intense passion--one has the sense that here is a truly joyful man, absolutely committed to bringing about needed change, but already absolutely at peace with himself and the world. How, I wondered, could this be so, when he has witnessed and experienced such horror and suffering? How has he maintained, despite everything, that extraordinary lightness of heart, that compassion and kindness, that sense of perspective and humor?

He gave me, in fact, the answer. It was the subject of his talk. Retaliation breeds continuous suffering. Reconciliation, though difficult to achieve, is our only hope. He has carried and continues to carry this message as his gift to anyone who will listen (as does the Dali Lami, who, along with his people, is a refugee from the genocide in Tibet; the Dali Lama also participated in this discussion with the same compassionate and peace-affirming message as Bishop TuTu).

In every part of the world, Bishop TuTu said, whenever a nation or person is oppressed, a struggle for freedom from that oppression occurs. Then, when the oppressed finally gain their freedom, their long-endured sense of victimization and need for revenge leads them in turn to retaliate. The result is an endless cycle of violence and hatred. The "Hatfields and McCoys" blast each other to bits through generation after generation, not only in South Africa but in Ireland, the Middle East, and in destructive patterns of abuse and violence re- erupting generation after generation within families everywhere.

However, Bishop Tutu said, this is not inevitable. There are other options. He described events he witnessed (and no doubt inspired) in South Africa that were attempts to transcend this cycle of hatred.

He recounted extraordinary acts on both sides of the conflict, acts of compassion, forgiveness, and reconciliation. The examples he gave brought tears to the eyes of many of his listeners, including my own. These acts--efforts to restrain the urge to retaliate, efforts to reach across the lines of hatred and class struggle to the humanity in every individual--these, he said, give us hope and give us role models for peace in the world and in our own lives.

In the discussion that followed Bishop TuTu's talk, a lively debate occurred among the other Nobel Laureates. Questions were tossed back and forth--such as the question of the right or responsibility to punish an oppressor, the question of whether there are preventive effects of punishment, the question of the appropriate time for forgiveness, the question of the deceptive self-abnegation that foments oppression, etc. These questions and comments coming from people who had been in the very midst of oppression and suffering and who had each in his or her own way worked tirelessly for peace presented the complexity of the issue. I was spell-bound.

Some time later, I saw the movie Nuremberg. Its depiction of the trials of Nazi war criminals by an international tribunal also dealt with these issues. Then I read a book about the history of the violence in Ireland; this book was one long recounting of the same vicious cycle of retaliation breeding continuous revenge. Since then, I have hardly been able to get this complex subject out of my mind. Soon I too will travel to Scotland to take part in an international conference of women working to bring about peace in the world. I will take with me the intensity of my own concern in this regard.

I want to say a big "Amen" or "Ho" or "Yes" to what Bishop TuTu said. I want to add my small voice to his great voice, and I want to encourage others who agree to add their voices, so that the energy of reconciliation grows and grows, creating the possibility of change, so that we can break the cycle of retaliation and oppression everywhere, especially in our own lives.

However, the other questions raised in the discussion are also haunting. Particularly acute is the question of whether or not I have it in me to be so aware, so self-possessed, that I can behave in such a healing way when it is my turn to forgive, to be an agent of reconciliation.

Every one of us has to deal with this issue. Which of us has not been oppressed, at some time, to some small or great degree. Life itself, our complex culture, and the people and situations in it impose all sorts of oppressions upon us. Every one of us has suffered some indignity; many have been kept down by what to us seems unjust use of force or authority, or even have been cruelly subjugated by degrading or inhuman treatment.

How have we reacted to such oppression in our own lives? How can we react in future in similar circumstances? How can we protect and care for ourselves without falling into retaliation? What examples do the world's spiritual traditions provide for us in this regard?

These are the questions this newsletter is meant to address. I will be eager to hear from you with your thoughts.

Certainly our prayer life and the quality of our family and community lives provide a platform for reconciling energy. There we meet, all of us, in love and hope. Know that I find you there, always, and with you accept the reconciling love and the tender memories of all that is good and fine in this precious life we share.

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